Woman Demands Husband To Come Clean About His Finances, Discovers He Is in $50K of Credit Card Debt After Buying a New Car and an Engagement Ring

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Sep 7, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

When you're considering marrying someone, the idea of spending the rest of your lives together can seem a bit daunting. You can only hope that every step you've taken together thus far has counted for something, and the only way forward is up. You don't want to spend the rest of your life sulking in regret about what you could have done differently to avoid certain negative outcomes. The most important thing that anyone who is considering marrying should know is that dishonesty should be a dealbreaker. If you cannot trust your significant other, what foundation do you have to stand on before it starts crumbling under your feet?

The woman in this story is dealing with a six-year-long relationship that might possibly be reaching an indefinite halt. She was under the impression that her fiancé had been smart enough about his money, with the exception of a failed business venture. It appears that he had run through his $20K savings and trust fund before getting to college. She is worried that her financial independence will be stunted if she goes through with their marriage timeline, but doesn't want to sacrifice what she's built for herself because of his poor financial decisions. The fiancé had been taking her on expensive vacations and purchased a $10K engagement ring for her, and according to the title, also purchased a new car despite having massive amounts of debt.

She's wondering if it's possible to save herself from a life of living in the financial trenches. Scroll to read the entire story, including advice from others who advise that she should leave him for the time being, or simply leave him altogether.

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  • 01
    myself. He said he's not even making more than min payments... how will this ever get resolved? I am concerned because he is not more set in his career at 33, I feel like He should be doing better than me and I am only 25. I worked very hard and
    via Luana Lloyd
  • 02
    Fiance (m32) just now disclosed he was 50K+ in CC Debt after buying a NEW car and 10k ring!! (f25) Do I break off the engagement until he recovers??
    via Skewlgorl
  • 03
    My partner and I have been together for over 6 years - off and on a few times when we were younger. We met when I was 18 and he was 25, we are now about to be 26 and 33 this fall. I used to think he has his together bc I was living in the house he bought back in 2019 and we had roommates to pay the rent. he was a bartender and worked in
    via Skewlgorl
  • 04
    real estate, tried starting his own biz and it just didn't work out. He used to take me on great vacations about 5-6k each and we would have lots of fun - together I thought he had the money to take me- never bought me fancy gifts until recently and even then the most fancy thing I've ever gotten is a $300 necklace. (minus my engagement ring)
    via Skewlgorl
  • 05
    We bought a second house in my name because I knew that a business deal went bad and he claimed debt relief but I was under the impression it was only about 30k. Our couples counselor has repeaditly asked us to work on combining finances and understanding each others budget very clearly and be transparent and he partially is but
    via Skewlgorl
  • 06
    never completely. UNTIL this last week. We both lost our jobs in the last few weeks and because of that I demanded the information. Well come to find out he is just over 50k IN CREDIT CARD DEBT! Now granted I have debt too, 6k from a surgery, a few thousand from home reno things, but I had
    via Skewlgorl
  • 07
    the income to pay it off and still have a small nest egg to cover myself. He said he's not even making more than min payments... how will this ever get resolved? I am concerned because he is not more set in his career at 33, I feel like He should be doing better than me and I am only 25. I worked very hard and
    via Skewlgorl
  • 08
    did not have a silver spoon in my mouth / get to go to college on my parents dime or even have my bills paid ever. I was alone at 17 and have been since. I still am trying to get my degree by going in the evenings after my 9-5 in my field. ( Tech UX Design) (CONTEXT) His own parents went bankrupt a few times in their life and his dad spent his
    via Skewlgorl
  • 09
    entire trust fund before he even got to college and it ruined his family. His dad never really had a career, drive, or ambition. I worry that he did not see certain behaviors growing up and is soft and inexperienced with real life. They sheltered him for as long as possible, well his mom did at least. Paying his rent and giving
    via Skewlgorl
  • 10
    him money until he was like 25/26. We are just very different. I see how annoyed he is when I ask him to do "manly" things like build furniture, help with the yard, heavy duty jobs with tools / car stuff etc. Is breaking off the engagement and telling him to move back into
    via Skewlgorl
  • 11
    his home with roommates until he can fix his debts a mature response to this? I was hoping to get married and have a certain standard of living and being able to travel often and have a home worth over 800k-1.5 mil to raise my kids in. I am hurt and starting to think the life I thought we might have wont happen. I don't want to make it all about money
    via Skewlgorl
  • 12
    but times are hard and I was raised traditionally where my dad provided for my mom and she raised my brother and I. I want the same opportunity for myself and I feel like my clock is ticking. Should I just settle and help him pay his debts off / accept that this is whats happening and stay with him?
    via Skewlgorl
  • 13
    Or try to detach and take steps back and live separately until he can get a grip on his financial situation?
    via Skewlgorl
  • 14
    Brief Horror • 13h ago . Yeah he's not compatible with you. He's spending money he doesn't have since his first dollar. He also is getting mad at normal requests I'm sure you'll find other red flags you've ignored like going after a teenager who just lost her family and dazzling her with gifts on that list. Send him home and block his number.
    via BriefHorror
  • 15
    DefinitelyNotADave • 14h ago Until he recovers? No. Get out now. If he's willing to go into that much debt for a new car and to impress you? Just leave. He's been lying to you. And god knows what will pop up in the future. It's possible he'll change down the line, but don't wait around for something that might never happen
    via DefinitelyNotADave
  • 16
    Ok_Imagination_... . 14h ago Do not marry! Split up! I hope this place you bought doesn't have his name on the mortgage/deed. If so, get to a lawyer and see how to protect yourself.
    via Ok_Imagination_1107
  • 17
    emsyk 13h ago . Never go into a relationship thinking you will fix someone. Has he shown any desire to actually work hard, and budget, and pay off debts? My guess would be no. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life. fighting against his bad
    via emsyk
  • 18
    money habits? Then the fact that he went after someone 7 years younger than him, who was incredibly vulnerable, without the strong family backing her to help her if she decided to leave. Also, think if there are other ways that he's controlling. Does he try to control how
    via emsyk
  • 19
    you spend your money? Does he try to control what you wear or who you hang out with? Does he try to get you to do things your not totally comfortable with (buying a second home in your name, anything intimacy wise). How does he take it when you say no to
    via emsyk
  • 20
    him, or ask him to help with something. These are all pieces of a larger puzzle that shows whether he treats you well and like a partner, or whether he treats you like property.
    via emsyk
  • 21
    RandomReddit97... • 12h ago No you should not help him. pay off his debt. He's financially irresponsible and you helping with his debt won't help that. You break up with him and live your best life.
    via RandomReddit9791
  • 22
    Skewlgorl OP • 12h ago I guess my post should say instead: how do you get the courage to leave your first real love.
    via Skewlgorl
  • 23
    RTIQL8 12h ago . Oh I have been there and THIS is the question that is really in your heart. Here is what I know from experience - this question does NOT go away if you stay. You will find yourself asking this question again and again. The only thing that staying gets you is more time. And the longer you stay the harder it is to leave. Start making a plan. Be sure you have money he has NO access to or awareness of. If you have someone close to you that you can trust, confide in them. Leaving wil
    via RTIQL8

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